As I watch parents and coaches agonizing over defeat, and in the rapture of victory, I think two key things are missing.

1. The parents need help in enjoying all matches; losses as well as victories.

2. We are good at the lessons of winning, but we simply do not learn enough from losses or temporary setbacks.

The fact that so many seem to forget, but an essential, key fact that is true in the hundreds of thousands of volleyball matches played world wide each day…is simple.  Half the teams playing…lose...or for those wanting percentages, all matches result in 50 percent of the teams in each contest ending up as the loser.

I feel we are not investing enough time learning the values and lessons that are to be gained in the journey, through the losses, not just the wins. I believe we need to better realize this fact, of half the teams losing, and rejoice in the wonderful and unique qualities of this challenging team sport, wins or losses. The greatest thing to learn is to give your all, but even having done that, there are no guarantees of success. Because it is not guaranteed just because you want to win so badly, you find fewer moments of taking winning for granted.

Related to this is the fact that in the scheme of things, there can only be one champion, even in divisions like the NCAA or some Jr. Olympic Volleyball Regions where hundreds of teams are fighting.

While winning the Junior Olympic Volleyball National championships is a goal for all, and attending the event is where the largest numbers of lessons and experiences happen. There, hundreds are “losers,” and only one is the “victor.” It is often that the best message or lesson to gain in volleyball comes from the losses.

Simply put, we need to teach the journey. There are too many in the sport who are whining, blamingeveryone but themselves, sulking, crying., even threatening to sue…This is just a GAME, and thus, supposed to be FUN. We are so blessed with the chance to compete, in good gyms, great volleyballs, well organized events. I have in my office a ball made by kids in Africa made from the leaves of a banana tree. Those kids compete (half winning and half losing) on dirt courts over a rope. The boisterous joy of their play, and the good nature seen by both their winners and losers is a lesson all in many other nations would benefit from.

One of the most common errors is when people making mountains out of molehills, over-reacting tohe little errors in the game as if they all are gold medal points. Chill. Ignore the errors. Celebrate the successful plays. Look long range and at the bigger picture. Focus on the performance and process, not the outcome. Learn to control what you can control, simply just yourself, and not even your spouse or team parents, let alone the field of play. Every play and match simply cheer on your child. It is a game of fun for your child, not a dream of college scholarships or pro sports for you. If you find yourself thinking that winning is a relief that you/the team did not lose, rather than a thrill, take time to refocus and rethink the program. The game is not about you. It is about your child’s learning a great lifetime sport and the lessons therein.